You just made me feel so damn special
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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