We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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