my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
