i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
