she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
