i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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