Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
