Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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