M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
