3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
