Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
