my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
