i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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