just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need to sanitize my soul.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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