We won't sleep together?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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