maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
