living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
