I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize