Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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