I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
