if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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