she was so not down for the gang bang
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
