Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you win again, gameday.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
