Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
