there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
