does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
