So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
