well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
