Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
two words: eviction party
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Life without a bra equals bliss.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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