It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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