I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
