chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
