Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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