i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
