I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You ruined the universe
Randomize
