Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
