Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
