Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
