Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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