I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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