did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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