i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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