i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
