Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
