so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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