the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
