You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
