I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize