Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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