Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
