Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
