I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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