omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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