You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
