I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
