oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
