he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
