At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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