I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
