walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
