Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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