I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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