Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
