She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
